I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
