Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
