Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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