K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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