I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
