I'm drive I can fine osifer
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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