he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
