I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
