1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please don't give away my fajitas
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
