he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
