I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
