And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
