i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just threw up on my dentist
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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