Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
