so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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