her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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