i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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