Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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