If that was your dad, he is hot
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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