He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
