Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
