Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
