Porn is love you can see.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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