So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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