there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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