i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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