how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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