Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
