we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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