We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
