she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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