I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
