In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
