we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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