How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
