You just made me feel so damn special
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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