I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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