Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
