lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
