ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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