And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
