I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
