if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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