Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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