You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
