shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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