The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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