the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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