Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
