Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
