In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
